Talk to your sons about Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke and “Blurred Lines” too

Blurred Lines’ is four weeks from being the most popular song ever.
However, critics including Tricia Romano of The Daily Beast argue that the song trivializes sexual consent. She charges that many female fans were uncomfortable with both the song and the video. Her article quoted feminists who interpreted the song’s message as being promotion of rape culture. The moniker “Blurred Lines” and portions of the lyrics like “I know you want it” encourage the idea “no doesn’t always mean no” and that some women who are raped are asking for it.

Criticism was also leveled at the song’s video, which has been labelled “eye-poppingly misogynist.”

Thicke, noting that all three male singers are married and have children, claimed that the Diane Martel–directed video was tongue-in-cheek. All of this leads to a larger discussion.

“There have been a number of different parenting websites or blog posts who have come up with good ways to talk to your daughter about Miley, writes Eric Clapp, a pastor, on his blog. “And, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about parents talking to their daughters about sexuality,”

However, Clapp goes on to point out how there are barely any commentaries, articles, or blog posts that talk about:

… how Robin Thicke was on stage with a woman young enough to be his daughter while thrusting his pelvis and repeating the line “I know you want it” while T.I. non-chalantly raps about much more graphic stuff.

Both performers should be held accountable for what they did. As blogger Melissa Wardy points out:

It was rehearsed, there were many adults involved in making the decisions about what the audience would see. I think we can hold performers responsible for their art free of censorship, as the audience we have every right to comment on and  critique. This act went on stage with those responsible knowing plenty of young people would be seeing it. I’m rather certain they were banking on that.

Shelli Latham elaborated:

Girls’ sexuality is so much the focus of our ire. Women who have sex are dirty. Men who have sex are men. Girls who dress to be ogled are hoes. Men who ogle are just doing what comes naturally. This is the kind of reinforced behavior that makes it perfectly acceptable to legislate a woman’s access to birth control and reproductive health care without engaging in balanced conversations about covering Viagra and vasectomies. Our girls cannot win in this environment, not when they are tots in tiaras, not in their teens or when they are coming into adulthood.

There is a body of research that shows how viewing images of objectified women gives men “greater tolerance for sexual harassment and greater rape myth acceptance,” and helps them view women as “less competent” and “less human.”How do you talk to your tween/teen boys about older men using  younger girls like sex objects? What are the implications and implicit messages around male performers being surrounded by barely-dressed female backup dancers? How would your boys answer this question:  When so many of the female performers areso scantily clad, is that  self expression of sexuality or the symptom of something more insidious?

Why  were none of the men nearly naked?

Boys, how  do you feel the representations of women at the MTV Video Music Awards affect your female  friends and family members? What  expectations does your family have around how their boys will treat girls and  women?
Celebrating “blurred lines” has great potential to reinforce a culture that already trivializes the importance of consent.
Recommended Reading:
 The Boys Body Book: Everything You Need to Know for Growing Up YOU Paperback by Kelli Dunham (Author) , Steve Björkman (Illustrator)
You have questions? We have answers to everything you need to know for growing up you!
Growing up isn’t as easy as it looks. With changing emotions, friends, expectations, and bodies, some days it can seem like life is one big roller coaster ride. The Boy’s Body Book is here to help with expert advice, common sense tips, fast facts, and answers to all questions a boy might have. Topics include: From hair care to athlete’s foot, a head to toe guide to what’s happening with your changing body Basketball football, soccer, chess: How you can excel no matter what you like to do Your guide to the care and keeping of parents, teachers, brothers, and sisters How to keep your friends and your morals, and what to do if peer pressure starts to be come an issue.
An amazon reviewer wrote:

My husband and I were very impressed at how well this book dealt with ‘touchy’ or sensitive topics without being offensive. This book is not graphic. It is straight to the point without sharing any information about sex. The book covers everything from body odor and puberty to nocturnal emission and saying no to drugs. great book for parents to read and discuss with 8-13 year old boy.